I keep expecting something to go wrong. That I screw something vital up or I miss something of great importance necessary for me to be able to travel abroad. But today is the day! I’m leaving this country for the first time in 12 years (Åland doesn’t count obviously, it’s basically a Swedish island that belongs to Finland) and I’m just as excited as I’m nervous. I rarely show it outwards, but I guess my nervous neuroticism manifests itself as this hidden aint-gonna-happen-mode I fall into as soon as I’m excited about something. I believe that thinking about it has made me realize that its a mode I’ve been dealing with thoughts like these for as long as I can remember. What does it mean though? Always expecting shit to go wrong, or not happen, especially if it’s something I look forward to. I suspect that it has to do with me learning to settle for disappointment and low expectations. If I already accept and expect that shit will go wrong, it sort of becomes less difficult to get over it. Especially if I already have accepted it. That can turn into a positive surprise over and over again. But it can also set you up for failure and depression. If you always expect things to go wrong, or not happen at all, I don’t see much of a future to look forward to.
All that being said, I truly believe that I will find what I need in the future, even if I don’t necessarily know what that might entail during this moment of writing. So the expectations for my life is high, because my expectations for my future self is high and I intend to make myself proud. However, when it comes to shorter-range planning like trips, events, amicable meetings… in other words, plans for certain happenings in your life that are objectively replaceable (since life itself isn’t), my expectations leave a lot of room in my psyche for marginal error. When shit goes well, it goes well. If it doesn’t, try again next time and usually it goes well. This time, I just really, really hope everything goes well and that tonight, I will end the day documenting my arrival at the Amsterdam airport, carrying nothing but a backpack with emergency rations for three days and spare clothes. Going minimalist af on this trip.
What I have to do before then?
- Go to the clinic and do the antigen test, which is in about an hour
- Get to Arlanda with my antigen result and fill in my health form for travelling
- gtfo of Sweden
And of course… this whole thing hinges upon the result being negative. Also, I’ve spent like 1 400 SEK total on the plane ticked and already rescheduled it once and would like my money to not just go down the drain, lol.
I will be documenting as much as I can. I will also be posting lots on my Instagram. I love taking pictures, and seeing new shit. Hey, maybe that can be my thing? I’ve always wanted to travel and take picture, and make videos, start a YouTube channel. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. But it’s been hard to put something out that even I find interesting when absolutely nothing of interest occurs. This trip, being out of the country for the first time in 12 years but this time all by myself? Now that is something my 9-4 years younger me would love myself for. Because I’ve been meaning to get the hell out of here since like 2012, when I started talking about actually going to Japan, but it never happened. And then COVID-19 had to fuck everything up. Now when the plans seem to creep closer to reality, what are my plans? At least for when the restrictions gets loosened up?
- South Korea
- Japan (Okinawa)
- Indonesia
- Bangladesh
- New Zealand
- The US
- Iceland
- Scotland
- Croatia
- Rome
- Kurdistan
- Abu Dhabi
So as you can see, I do have plans. And I intend to visit at least most of these places. It’s not listen in any kind of prioritized order, but there are priorities (like The US, SK, JP and NZ). And to be honest? I would really like to visit Patong in Thailand again. I was there with my brother and our then-girlfriends, mainly to see how much I remember. We were there for two weeks. We did so much and spent so much time outside that two weeks felt like four. That was 2009. A month after that I went to Turkey with my childhood bro. You know what, I might actually post some of those pictures when I’m posting about my Amsterdam trip when I get back! Now, I gotta scram.
I got a plane to catch 🙂
